I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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