I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
