Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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