i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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