Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
