CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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