My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
