i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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