I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
