i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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