What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
