a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
do nipples grow back?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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