You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
