Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
