nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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