is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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