I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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