it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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