Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
