The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
