after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
