You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
