I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
