if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a