first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
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So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams