I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.