Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.