His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?