also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
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The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
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She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.