youre lurking in front of me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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