What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
