We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
