i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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