ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
