I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
