The maid of honor just puked.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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