BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
