corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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