Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
