I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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