I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
