sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
