that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
