We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
