awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
