rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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