guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
