I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I need moral support for this bender
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
