I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
