I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
