I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
