just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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