id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm at about main and main street
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
