There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
zippers are such a cool invention
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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