so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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