Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
