He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
