So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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