You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
