Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
