i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
