I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
