So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
