Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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