dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
In America we eat man semen.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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