my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was born a porn star she said
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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