I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
People in love make me want to vomit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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