nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i believe in u and ur pee
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
