i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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