I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
