I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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