Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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