Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
