wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
