Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
