remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
