you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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