dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
